Sunday, March 27, 2011

Just Call Me "Mommy-Worry-Wart"... FOREVER.

I've always been a worrier. I've always been a "glass half empty" type or as I like to call it, a "realist". I know the two aren't one in the same but I think of them in close vicinity. I think it keeps me from being disappointed when I don't expect much and then pleasantly surprised when great things happen. Becoming a mother has dramatically enhanced these characteristics.

All of this nonsense is leading up to this: As many of you know, Ally was born a little baby (6lbs.). She was perfectly healthy, just a wee-one. In the very back of my mind, I have always thought, "Is this going to affect her development in some way?" I try to ignore my back-of-the-mind thoughts and enjoy every minute of my beautiful Angel Face. It's hard to ignore however when she continues to reach all of her milestones later than the "average" baby. For example, the average baby should typically be able to roll over around 3 months old. Ally didn't roll over for the first time until close to 5 months and still to this day has only done it a handful of times. The average baby should be sitting on their own by 6 months old. At 7 months, she still didn't even seem close to sitting on her own. And then on Friday, she did it! And now she's practically an expert! I think she's very proud of herself!

But that's not all! The other night she picked up a puff from her tray and ate it all by herself! I'm thinking it might have been a fluke but I'll take it! Since then, she picks them up but that's as far as she gets.

But that's STILL not all! This week seems to be a great week of firsts! Because today she sat in a big girl high chair at the Olive Garden! Up until this point, we would bring her in her car seat. It's huge and awkward so I'm glad we're done with that! Yay for Ally!

Oh, she ordered the ravioli and a glass of pinot grigio in case you were wondering.

With all of these wonderful things happening lately, I'm STILL worrying! It exhausts me. I think maybe deleting my FB page would help. Too often I see things like: "My 5 month old is talking!" "My 6 month old is walking!" Ugh! (Nothing against any of my friends who are posting these things. I would post them too.) But every time I see one of these posts I ask myself, "Why isn't Ally doing that yet??"

Maybe she's just a late bloomer and I need to leave it at that. What I do know to be perfectly and honestly true is that I love that little girl more than anything in this entire world and nothing will ever, ever change that. Behind, ahead... In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. That's what I need to keep telling myself.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Heart

Having Ally was the best thing - without a doubt - that has ever happened to me. But something even more amazing has happened. My husband and his love for our child. Not that I expected anything less, but I had no idea how he was going to act with her before having her, even during my pregnancy. Those of you who know my husband, knows he is the shy, man of few words type. He told me he was excited during my pregnancy, but never really took initiative to learn about everything happening inside my body. It’s true what they say: A woman becomes a mother the moment she becomes pregnant; the man becomes a father when the baby is born. At least in my case it’s true.

We have been together since 1999. After 12 years together the romance has, like most, died down quite a bit. I’ve come to accept it. But seeing him with Ally makes my heart melt. He loves her so openly, so unconditionally. I feel like I have gotten all of that affection back even though it’s not towards me (most of the time). It’s like a new found love. And so I say, Ally has saved us. Not that we were in jeopardy of any kind before, but things are different now, better.

From the very beginning of our relationship, we have said that we only wanted one child. I was an only child and had a wonderful childhood (I know of some only-children who would strongly disagree however). I do not want to spoil her rotten. I DO want to give her everything she needs… And also things she wants. I want to send her to college; buy her first car. All of the things I had that meant so much to me, I want to give to her. We cannot afford more than one child. Let’s be honest here… we can’t even afford one child! But our mommy and daddy instincts are telling us differently. They are saying, “Hey! This Mommy and Daddy thing feels so amazing! Let’s do it again!”

So for now, it’s just the three of us. And I’m perfectly content with that. As for what the future holds? I do not know. And I kinda like it that way. <3