SAHM

I'm sure every mother at one point or another dreams of being a SAHM (stay at home mom.) It is definitely a dream of mine. It WAS definitely a dream of mine... until that dream came crashing down into little pieces. When I found out that Ally was due at the end of August, I thought it couldn't be any more perfect! I would be able to work through the rest of the school year and end my contract honorably. Then I would take the next school year off (at least) to be home to take care of my baby.

All of that was before my husband's job decided to slow down dramatically. He's not making nearly as much as he was this time last year and in all honesty, we probably cannot afford for me to be taking time off right now. I couldn't be more upset about this. I can't image another person practically raising what could possibly be our only child. Not only that, but we know NO ONE that could even be that person. Which means we will be relying on a stranger to take care of our most precious gift. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

However, I do live in the real world and I know you don't always get what you want. I just wish I could have what I want this time! Because I'm a first year teacher, there was a good chance I was going to get riffed (taken out of my current position because of the budget cuts) but as of today it looks like that isn't going to happen. On one hand, I'm thankful I'm able to keep my job and that my principal wants me there. On the other hand, I'm not exactly sure that where I am is where I belong. Don't get me wrong, everyone at my school has been AMAZING and I feel so lucky to have the help and support (and friends) there. Because most of my students are ELL (English Language Learners) it is a difficult task and sometimes I feel like I don't have what it takes to help these children. With things the way they are in the district, I unfortunately don't have the luxury of just "finding a new job". So as it stands, I will work through the rest of this school year (my last day being August 5th). When school resumes, that will begin my 6 weeks maternity leave or 8 weeks if I have to have a c-section.

I have to try to look at the bright side; I will have the entire summer off and my hours are pretty good. My friend Shannan also mentioned that because I'm working, that's more shopping I can do for her! F-U-N! And who knows?? Maybe by next year Shane will be busier at work and I can take time off then. I'm so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful family and friends that I know I'll be able to get through this.